


almost like magic

by midnight_files



Series: Harry Potter Au [2]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Awkward Flirting Like Painfully Awkward and Gay, Buckle Up because this is a Mess!, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Making Out but not really?, Mentions of Other Idols for Extra Characters, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27326956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_files/pseuds/midnight_files
Summary: Mind you, Soobin is very assertive when he needs to be. He would not be Hufflepuff’s head boy if he lacked that trait. However, everyone has a weakness.His just comes in the form of a person.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Series: Harry Potter Au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995151
Comments: 10
Kudos: 151





	almost like magic

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: i warn you that you are about to read the most confusing 15k words of BRAIN FART.

When Kai arrives at his apartment unannounced with two suitcases and his pet owl, Soobin naturally makes room for him. He doesn’t pry about the forlorn look on Kai’s face, nor does he comment on the way Kai’s donning his pajamas and a pair of worn down slippers. 

He simply clears space on the couch and then goes into the kitchen to make them some tea.

Kai lugs two suitcases into Soobin’s small, crowded flat and then pushes them aside to be forgotten in the corner. Tobin rests in his cage, which Kai sets atop the coffee table. After the kettle whistles, Kai begins sifting through Soobin’s bookshelf.

It isn’t the first time this has happened, but each time Soobin wishes he had the power to make it the last. He hates seeing Kai like this. Silently masking his thoughts, pretending to be interested in things to avoid questions, forcing a smile when Soobin joins him in the living room.

Kai deserves to be happy and nothing less of it.

Soobin sets the cups down on the table, reaching a finger in through the gaps of Tobin’s cages so he can stroke the top of the owl’s head fondly. Kai sits down on the couch and Soobin follows; they sit there drinking their tea until Kai’s ready to speak.

“Can I stay here?” Kai asks once they’re both finished and there’s a fragile silence that rests between them. “Just until we go back to Hogwarts?” That’s in a week.

“Of course,” Soobin answers in a heartbeat. Normally, he’d feel a bit embarrassed for replying so quickly, but he’s worried right now and there’s no room for embarrassment. “You’re welcome to stay whenever you want, you know.”

Kai hums in gratitude and Soobin catches a ghost of a smile on his face, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“But after a month or so, I might start considering a rent fee,” Soobin jokes. Then, for the first time that night, Kai laughs. It’s not a full-blown laugh—more like a stifled chuckle—but it’s genuine and Soobin feels somewhat accomplished. Kai playfully smacks him on the arm and whispers, “I haven’t got a single galleon on me, so we’ll have to find another solution.”

“Not a single-  _ Kai.” _ Now it’s Soobin’s turn to frown, though he doesn’t bother attempting to hide it. “Where were you going to go if I said no?”

“But you didn’t,” Kai counters and then there’s a grin tugging onto his  _ breathtaking _ features that blows Soobin away, no matter how snarky and impish and  _ mischievous _ it looks. “You’d never be able to say no to me.”

It’s meant to be a joke, but it’s the truth. Soobin has never been able to say no to Kai and Kai knows this. It’s the only reason he’d do something as reckless as running away from home at 2am (in the rain)—because Soobin would always be out there waiting with open arms.

Once, Kai had walked out of the grocery store with a tub of ice cream he hadn't paid for. Not because he was a thief, but because he was confident Soobin had him covered. (Soobin is sure his wallet is crying for him to  _ stop _ simping, but it’s easier said than done.)

Mind you, Soobin is very assertive when he needs to be. He would not be Hufflepuff’s head boy if he lacked that trait. However, everyone has a weakness.

His just comes in the form of a person. 

A person that’s got two long legs stretched over his lap, slender fingers wrapped around a wand, and a smile that has the potential to send him to the medical wing.

“Kai,” Soobin mumbles, jostling the boy’s leg gently. Kai remains sprawled out on Soobin’s couch and hums absentmindedly, too preoccupied in perfecting one of the charms he had found in Soobin’s notes. “Move.”

“Don’t wanna,” Kai replies stubbornly and Soobin contemplates forcibly shoving Kai’s legs away, but ultimately decides against it. It’s hard to deny Kai of what he wants, especially when you’ve been crushing on him for nearly a decade.

“I’m hungry,” Soobin complains, but tosses his head back to signal defeat. Beside him, Kai snickers and reaches out to rub his tummy affectionately. “I’ll feed you my love, cheer up.”

_ If only.  _ Soobin spares the Slytherin a glance and scrunches his nose up in feigned disgust when Kai aims a wink at him.

“Rude,” Kai whines and then he’s sitting up and leaning over before Soobin can get the chance to react. 

Their faces are inches apart; if Kai were to exhale, Soobin would probably feel the warm air fan over his lips. And he’s certain that if that happens, his restraint will swim itself down a drain and he’ll for sure do something he’ll regret.

Luckily, Kai spares him, leaning back and stretching his arms over his head. There’s a pout settled on his lower lip, which glistens in the dim lighting, but Soobin tries not to focus too much on that. He also tries not to think about the way Kai’s looking at him, like he’s expecting something, something that would put them both in a hazy predicament.

But they’re already tiptoeing a thin, blurred line, so Soobin shakes his head and stands up wordlessly.

“Who eats at this hour?” Kai teases. The comment breaks the thick tension in the air and Soobin turns around momentarily, pan in one hand and an instant ramen pack in the other.

“I do.” He arches an eyebrow. “Do you have a problem with that?” 

Kai shrugs in defeat, flashing Soobin that boyish smile of his, and then averts his gaze. “Not really. Just wish you’d eat on time.”

There’s a loud clanging noise and then a grunt, a hiss, and finally, a drawled out  _ ‘fuck!’ _

“Are you alright?” Kai jolts up, racing to the kitchen to examine the damage. He finds Soobin there, standing still by the mess with guilt written all over his face.

“I’m fine,” Soobin answers. He grimaces as Kai folds his arms over his chest and drops his gaze to the upside down pot and the wet noodles scattered across the floor. “That’s your fault.”

It’s not a lie. Soobin had shut down temporarily after hearing Kai’s words, even though it wasn’t unusual for Kai to be sweet. It’s just that, as aforementioned, everybody has their own weakness.

“How is it my fault?” Kai asks with a pout. Soobin doesn’t miss the way Kai still helps him clean up his mess.

Their fingers brush when they wipe a paper towel over the puddle collecting between the tiles. Soobin’s breath hitches and his eyes immediately fly to Kai, who seems to remain unbothered. His eyebrows are furrowed together in concentration and there’s a lone strand of hair caught tickling his forehead.

“You’re distracting.”

They discard Soobin's ruined dinner together, but Soobin’s no longer hungry enough to bother making another pack.

“You have to eat,” Kai argues and presses his palms flat on the counter top Soobin is resting against, effectively trapping the taller boy there. “Why are you always like this, hyung?”

“Like what?” Soobin asks, leaning back to avoid the ticklish feeling of Kai’s breath by his chin.

Kai follows, adamant, and Soobin raises a hand to place it on his chest. Kai’s too close and while Soobin wants him closer, he’s not sure how much longer he can resist his urges. 

His urges to turn them around, pin Kai against the surface, and kiss him senseless with years of pent up love and frustration.

“You don’t take care of yourself well,” Kai chides, unrelenting. He dares to press his forehead against Soobin’s. “It worries me.”

“You’re one to talk.” Placing his hands on Kai’s upper arms, Soobin walks them away from the counter to free himself. Something changes in the way Kai stares at him, but he doesn’t look too deeply into it.

There’s no spare bed in his apartment so Soobin offers Kai his. There’s a toothbrush in his bathroom that’s specifically for Kai because this happens so often and each time, Kai manages to forget to bring his own.

Soobin washes up first and then sets up his own temporary bed on the couch when Kai heads into the bathroom. He doesn’t have a spare blanket, but two of his long coats will do.

As for pillows, well.. surely Kai won’t mind him using one of his plushies. Right?

Wrong.

“Hyung?” Kai sounds even more endearing when he’s sleepy; it’s devastating. “Have you seen my molangie? I put it on the bed, but it’s not here.”

Soobin’s two seconds away from falling asleep, so he makes a disgruntled sound in response. It’s supposed to mean ‘yes, it’s here, I’m holding it captive’, but it sounds like an inhumane groan instead.

There’s some shuffling and instead of a blissful dream, Soobin is greeted with his blinding ceiling lights. When he cracks his eyes open, Kai is looming over him with a curious look on his face.

“Why are you sleeping out here?” And then, with no remorse, Kai snatches the stuffed toy out from under Soobin’s head which collapses against the couch with a thud. “Stop hurting molangie.”

Soobin’s too tired to argue, so he says something along the lines of ‘mmh’ and then closes his eyes with plans to finally get his much needed rest.

Kai seems to have other ideas, however. Soobin discerns that the lack of warmth comes from Kai removing Soobin’s coats from where they remained draped over his body. 

Then he feels something press against his stomach lightly. His shirt is riding up just enough so he can feel the smooth surface of what he supposes is ‘molangie’. He doesn’t focus on that too much because soon, he feels as light as a feather, head lolling back and bopping in the air. His limbs sway lifelessly, accumulating a slight breeze that causes goosebumps to arise.

“I’m beginning to wonder who’s the younger one between us two.” Soobin hears Kai complain half-heartedly. He wants to inquire just exactly what Kai means by that, but then he feels the soft fabric of his duvet and it dawns on him.

Soobin hears Kai shuffle around until the mattress dips behind him. The covers get pulled up, kissing the underside of Soobin’s chin, and a limp arm hooks around Soobin’s waist.

“Goodnight, hyung.”

Soobin doesn’t reply, wanting to give off the impression that he’s fast asleep.

Because god forbid Kai finds out Soobin willingly let him be the big spoon.

**X**

As the week progresses, Soobin observes that Kai is slowly feeling more and more like himself. He looks happy and that’s all Soobin ever wants for him. There’s still fleeting moments where Kai falls quiet and looks out the window in deep thought, but Soobin knows better than to intrude.

He waits until Kai looks at him again and smiles. Tells him that he’s here—that he always  _ will _ be here, inches away, with an outstretched hand.

When Kai’s ready, he’ll tell him. 

So for now, Soobin intertwines their fingers and leads them to his worn out leather couch so that they can watch marvel movies for the umpteenth time.

“Let’s watch Spider-man Homecoming,” Kai chirps when Soobin flicks through the selections with his remote.

“We’re up to Iron Man 3,” Soobin reminds him. Soobin hates skipping around in a series, even if he’s watched them all already, because they’re in order for a  _ reason. _

He makes the fatal mistake of sparing Kai a glance. 

Kai is looking up at him with his beautiful doe eyes that are framed by long, curled lashes and his lips are pushed out into a cute, persistent pout. There’s no way Soobin can deny him what he wants.

“Fine,” he relents and Kai squeals happily. It should honestly be illegal for one boy to be so adorable.

If you weren’t close to Kai, you probably wouldn’t be able to understand why his house was Slytherin and not Hufflepuff. He shines brighter than the sun and gives off the impression that he can’t hurt a fly. 

Soobin, however, has been by Kai’s side since the brunette entered Hogwarts and can  _ clearly _ see the reasoning behind the placement.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist my charms,” Kai states coyly and has the nerve to wink at Soobin before stealing the remote. Soobin heaves a sigh, only being able to watch helplessly.

“I can’t believe you’re this fond of muggle films.” Soobin spreads his arms as an invitation and Kai scoots forwards so that Soobin can comfortably hold him.

“You are too,” Kai fires back with a snort. Soobin sees the way Kai’s pupils dilate as the movie starts, feels him vibrate with anticipation, and hears the soft, excited giggle.

“One day,” he says quietly, unsure if Kai is even listening to him anymore. “I’ll take to one of those muggle theatres.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kai falls asleep right as the ending credits roll in. Soobin feels Kai’s head weigh down on his chest and listens to each steady breath that the unconscious boy takes in. The hand resting atop Kai’s crown slowly stirs into action, fingers carding through chestnut curls.

Soobin cranes his neck awkwardly, trying to catch a glimpse of Kai’s face. He’s the most angelic when he’s asleep—not that Soobin is a creep that watches him sleep or anything. Well, he’s doing that  _ now _ but—you know what he means.

“Pretty,” Soobin mumbles to himself, tracing Kai’s features with his gaze. It trails down Kai’s smooth forehead, perfectly arched brows, and deadly sharp jawline. Then, it visits each beauty mark decorating Kai’s complexion, hops from the lovely bridge of his nose to his round, rosy cheeks, and ultimately lands on the valley between his plump lips.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” Soobin leans down, placing a kiss onto Kai’s forehead. Kai whines in his sleep, fingers tightening around Soobin’s sweater, and Soobin looks away in defeat.

He knows how dangerously enamored he is.

It’s a quarter past seven; the sky is slowly morphing from a fiery red to a calming midnight blue. The ticks of the clock echo through the small apartment, only rivaled by the occasional outside chatter. Breezes drift in through the cracked open windows, sweeping Kai’s fringe to one side, only for Soobin to undo their actions.

They sit there for half an hour more before Kai’s stomach grumbles quietly. Soobin catches the small frown on Kai’s face, clearly displaying discomfort from his hunger regardless of the fact that he was asleep.

“Kai?” Soobin shakes him gently, voice barely above a whisper. Kai shakes his head, still drowsy, and clings just a bit tighter to Soobin’s torso.

Soobin takes a minute or two, making sure he doesn’t burst out into tears at Kai’s cuteness, before continuing. “Kai, it’s time for supper.”

“Five more minutes,” Kai bargains, shifting so his head now rests in the crook of Soobin’s neck. Soobin contemplates the thought and then tries to stir the stubborn boy again. “If I say yes to that, you’ll ask for five more, and we’ll be in an endless loop. C’mon now, you big baby, get up.”

“`m not a baby,” Kai huffs, still fighting off his drowsiness. He blinks rapidly in the process and Soobin begins to question if he’s really just some fictional character in a movie because there’s no way someone as cute as Kai just  _ exists. _ And there is absolutely no way he gets to be their friend (ouch) for  _ free. _

“Whatever floats your boat..” Soobin trails off, patting Kai’s stomach gently. Kai makes a satisfied noise, turning a bit so Soobin has more access to leave the affectionate touches. “.. Baby.”

At that, Kai’s eyes shoot open and he aims the most lethal glare he can manage at Soobin who bites his inner cheek to prevent himself from cooing. 

Kai resembles a grumpy kitten.

How is someone cute enough to be compared to a  _ kitten? _

“Are you mad?” Soobin asks. Kai folds his arms over his chest and turns around, facing away from Soobin indignantly. He’s a hair’s breadth from  _ breaking _ Soobin.

“Okay, okay, sorry. You’re a big boy,” Soobin laughs, ruffling Kai’s hair before standing up onto his feet and stretching his arms over his head. “What would my big boy like for dinner?”

It’s an accident, really, and he freezes when realizes what he’s said. He hadn’t meant to call Kai  _ his, _ it just felt.. fitting.

“Pizza!” Kai announces without hesitance and Soobin’s stiff posture slackens in relief. Thankfully, Kai hadn’t caught his slip-up—or if he did, he hadn’t realized the implications.

“Muggle food again?” It’s getting late and Soobin isn’t sure if he’ll be able to make it in time, but Kai nods once and Soobin finds himself putting on his coat.

He really has to start learning how to say no.

When he opens the door, a heavy draft enters the flat. His first instinct is to turn around and tell Kai to bundle up, even if he’s the only one leaving. Kai surprises him by meeting him at the door, looping a scarf around the taller boy’s neck and kissing him on the cheek.

“Stay safe,” Kai whispers shyly and then closes the door. Soobin stands in the hallway, dazed.

Maybe not being able to deny Kai, isn’t so bad.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When he finally returns home, Soobin’s fingers are chapped and borderline numb from the brisk wind. Kai swings the door open, snatches the box of pizza out of Soobin’s hands, and disappears into the kitchen. Soobin scoffs at Kai’s actions, untangling his scarf and shrugging off his coat at the same time. “A ‘thank you’ would’ve been nice.”

“Thank you,” Kai parrots. Soobin expects that to be the end of it, but when he enters the living room to jokingly scold Kai, a familiar aroma hits him.

Kai has laid out two plates on the table, each holding one slice, along with two cups of hot chocolate. The surface of the drink is coated with whipped cream and there’s a marshmallow and graham cracker sticking out of the top. It’s just the way Soobin likes it.

“You didn’t have to.” Soobin’s lips are parted in awe and he lets Kai guide him to the couch, not trusting his own feet to take him there. Kai’s hands are warm against his frozen pair; Soobin shudders.

“I wanted to,” Kai replies nonchalantly, sitting down and then winding his upper half so that he’s facing the older boy properly. Soobin inhales deeply when Kai lifts their hands up, towards his lips, and his throat grows dry when he feels hot air blow over his palms.

With lidded eyes and pursed lips, Kai focuses on his gentle ministrations. Each time he takes a breath, Soobin feels himself being drawn in as well, the strings coiled around his heart tugging with newfound strength.

Any more and Soobin is sure he’ll die from heart combustion.

“There. Better?” Kai asks when he pulls away, smiling so bright and warm that heat spreads like wildfire through Soobin. It induces the color on his cheeks, evokes ragged breaths, and ignites everything from his heaving chest to the tips of his quivering fingers.

“Better,” he confirms after a pause.

**X**

On the eve of returning to Hogwarts, there’s a shift in the atmosphere around them. Soobin can’t quite pinpoint what it is, but the way Kai settles down into bed so stiffly beside him is worrying.

In the darkness of the night's embrace, Soobin hooks his pinky over Kai’s.

He hears a soft snort from Kai, followed by shuffling, and when he turns his head to steal a glance, Kai is mere centimeters away. “Hi,” he says. Soobin feels his heart come to a stop.

Confidently, Kai’s hand finds his, wanting more than simply intertwined pinkies. Soobin lets Kai slip his hand under his, lets him lace their fingers together, lets him.. lean in and brush their noses over one another.

Soobin’s mind is screaming at him to just close the distance and  _ kiss the boy! _

“Hey.” Soobin settles for the cowardly way out, as always. There’s a silence that blankets over them and Soobin doesn’t know how he survives holding a gaze with the person he’s so hopelessly in love with.

Kai gives his hand a light squeeze and that’s when Soobin notices; he notices it all at once. There’s creases left over on Kai’s forehead from past frowns, his lower lip is busted on the right from consistent worrying, his breathing is soft and stuttered. 

Something’s wrong.

“Tell me,” Soobin mumbles, brushing the pad of his thumb over Kai’s knuckle. “What’s bothering you?”

And then he holds his breath. It’s the first time he’s tried to elicit an explanation from Kai regarding this matter. What is working so hard at driving away Kai’s radiance?

Kai lifts his hand, the one Soobin isn’t holding captive, and rests it on the curve of Soobin’s round cheek. “Nothing.” His gaze drops to Soobin’s lips, but it’s not for the reasons Soobin wants it to be. It’s because when Kai lies, he can’t hold a gaze.

Then, he’s inching forwards, fitting his head underneath Soobin’s chin as if they aren’t nearly the same height. A sigh eludes him and he whispers something along the lines of, “I’ll miss this.”

“Me too,” Soobin mutters and ends the conversation with a kiss he plants onto Kai’s crown. If he could, he would offer to sneak Kai into Hufflepuff’s dorm. He’d love to prolong this arrangement, but he can’t. It’s against the rules.

Kai drifts off first, looking peaceful and free of worries as he nestles into Soobin’s embrace. Youthful, bright, much like he looked his freshman year when he stumbled into the wrong classroom and Soobin had to escort him into the right one. 

That was the first time they met. Kai’s glasses had been slipping down the bridge of his nose and his robe was a size too big, nearly dragging against the dirty corridor floors. Soobin was in the middle of copying down notes when the door had slammed open and Kai had stood there, looking like a deer caught at headlights. He had been flustered, scrambling to race out the door, but zipping back and forth down the same hallway like a headless chicken for a total of four times before Professor Min ordered Soobin to head out and assist the lost Slytherin.

The memory always brings a fond smile onto Soobin’s face, like it does now, but with the weight settled onto his chest from knowing Kai was  _ hurting  _ and there was nothing he could do about it.. Soobin can’t find himself being able to smile for long.

Only when his own thoughts begin to tire him out, does Soobin succumb to drowsiness.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I’m forgetting something,” Kai groans, coming to a standstill in the living room. It’s the morning after and they have to be at the train station in half an hour, but Kai’s always like this. He delays packing to the last minute and makes Soobin run like he’s in a marathon to catch the train.

“Just leave it. You have your necessities right? You can come back next time and pick up whatever you forgot.” Soobin suggests. His wall clock ticks at a taunting volume and he begins to itch with worry.

Kai doesn’t budge, so Soobin grows desperate. He opens the door and lugs their bags out while Kai continues to scrutinize the tiny living room in hopes of remembering what he’s forgotten. Tobin squeaks with protest when Soobin settles him into the hallway, but Soobin can’t be bothered to appease a bird right now.

“Let’s go, I said,” Soobin repeats, tapping his foot on the ground. “Just a minute,” Kai counters, pacing around the room. It’s clearly to no avail, so Soobin does what any sane person would do. He bends down, loops his arms around Kai’s thighs, and picks him up.

Kai pushes at his arms diligently, but Soobin’s stronger, and in the next minute, Kai’s being set outside the hallway alongside Tobin. Soobin pats down the creases on his uniform and then shuts the apartment’s door behind him.

“This,” Soobin starts, sifting through his coat pockets until his nails clash with metal, “This is your saving grace.” It’s a key. He places it into Kai’s palm while Kai stares at him idly. “It’s a spare for my apartment. I had it made the other day since you’re always over here in the first place. Now, you can let yourself in.”

Kai gapes at him, fingers fumbling with the key before he ultimately decides on pocketing it, but remains quiet so Soobin speaks up again.

“You have about 7 sweaters forgotten in my drawers and haven’t bothered picking them up the dozens of times you’ve been over,” he comments. He hooks his fingers into the handles of his suitcases and then gestures down the hallway with a nod, ordering Kai to head down first. “You’ll live without whatever it is you’re forgetting. Now, come on, you whiny baby.”

There’s an affronted gasp that escapes Kai, but he concedes and gathers his items into his hands.

Some time between then and their arrival to the platform, Kai thanks Soobin for the key. He says it means a lot to him and that Soobin has no idea how grateful he is, and then leans in to kiss Soobin on the cheek. He’s been doing that more often now, Soobin notes with perspiring palms and a hammering heart.

They board the Hogwarts Express together, picking an isolated cabin near the end, and Soobin tries not to think about how they’re naturally huddled together instead of sitting across from one another like every other pair.

Kai’s breath tickles the nape of his neck and Soobin’s fingers dance along Kai’s thigh.

It’s normal, but just  _ how _ normal, Soobin is unsure.

**X**

“So,” Yeonjun leans in so close with anticipation and excitement that Soobin has to reach up and steady him with a hand on his hip. “Did anything happen between you two?”

“No,” Soobin responds, awkwardly bending himself so he can slip away from the wall Yeonjun is crowding him against. He shoots Beomgyu a desperate look, but Beomgyu blows him a kiss and goes back to chatting with Taehyun and Kai.

“No?” Yeonjun repeats, hushed yet still too loud for Soobin’s liking. “What do you mean ‘no’? Wasn’t he at your house for a week?” 

“That doesn’t have to imply anything,” Soobin clarifies, cheeks sporting a light red shade upon being reminded of everything that had happened that week. “I couldn’t say anything, but..” He trails off and he’s sure Yeonjun follows his longing gaze to the brunette whose giggles sound heavenly.

“But, I really wanted to kiss him.” Moments when they were centimeters away from one another, moments when Soobin felt his desire doubling unhealthily, moments when Kai pushed his lower lip outward almost invitingly—they all come back to Soobin slowly and hauntingly.

“God.” Soobin breathes out and slumps against the wall they're standing in front of. He can’t get Kai’s soft, round lips out of his mind. The rosy hue, the tiny marks from nervous biting, the way his teeth sometimes peek out behind the upper lip. The way when he talks, like he’s doing now, they pucker and pout,  _ demanding _ his attention. “God, holy fuck, Yeonjun. I wanted to kiss him so bad.”

“Why didn’t you?” Yeonjun settles next to him, reassuringly tossing an arm around Soobin’s broad shoulders. “I’m serious. Just go for it.”

“As if it was that easy for you.” Soobin snorts. He glances at Beomgyu momentarily. He’d endured many headaches during the progress of those two getting together. “Besides, he doesn’t like me like that.”

Yeonjun groans loudly, catching the attention of the trio standing a few feet away from them and Soobin panics, slapping a hand over Yeonjun’s mouth before he can do more harm. Beomgyu raises an eyebrow and Soobin stares. Hard. It says something like, “If you want your boyfriend to make it out alive, get him under control.”

So, Beomgyu saunters over and hooks his arm with Yeonjun’s, gently dragging the older boy away from a menacing Soobin. “We’ll get going then. We were gonna sneak a quick trip to Hogsmeade before curfew.”

Soobin watches the couple walk away and rolls his eyes. Gay boyfriend and their gay dates, unbelievable. 

He steals a quick glance at Kai.

“Anyway,” Taehyun begins to transition into a new topic. Soobin briefly catches his gaze and if Taehyun had caught him longingly stare at Kai before, well, his smirk confirmed it. “I have to go talk to Professor Jeon about something. Take care lovebirds.”

“We’re not lovebirds,” Soobin interrupts and then Taehyun scoffs. He should’ve expected what happens next, given Taehyun’s infamous eyebrow raise, but he still steps back in shock.

Taehyun leans up, daringly, and brushes his lips over Kai’s forehead. Kai doesn’t react, in fact he seems  _ familiar _ with Taehyun's lips on his forehead, and Soobin splutters. 

“What?” Taehyun asks, beginning to walk away from them and waving over his shoulder nonchalantly. “You’re not lovebirds, right?”

Not even a second after Taehyun disappears from earshot, Soobin whips his head to face Kai and can’t help but release the tumble of words hanging on the tip of his tongue. “Kai, what? Are you kidding me? What was that? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Huh?” Kai supplies, helpfully. His head is tilted to the side, eyes wide with curiosity. “What was what?”

Oh, great. So it really  _ is _ that familiar for them. That’s reassuring. It’s not like Soobin has had an unrequited crush on Kai for nearly 5 years now or anything.

“The,” Soobin pauses. Why is it so hard to say this aloud? “—kiss? The kiss! Are you guys seeing each other? Why wasn’t I aware of this?”

“Back it up buckeroo.” Kai holds out a hand as if to stop Soobin from getting any closer, but Soobin definitely knows he hasn’t moved an inch because his feet are  _ glued _ to the floor. “He’s always done that. Besides, doesn’t Yeonjun do that to you?”

_ That’s different. _ Yeonjun and Soobin are strictly friends. Yeonjun has a boyfriend, for crying out loud. Taehyun and Kai.. Soobin doesn’t know what they are.. and that unsettles him.

“We’re just friends.” The laugh that leaves Kai afterwards sounds genuine, so Soobin decides he’ll believe him. For now. It helps him breathe easier anyway.

That is until Kai opens his mouth again. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I like someone else.” The chatter around them dies down to a ringing and Soobin’s fingers twitch with the urge to claw at his ears. Everything sounds like a pitched wail except for Kai’s voice, which reaches him clear as day. “No, I  _ know _ I do. I have for a long—”

“That’s great!” Soobin cuts in, no longer wanting to hear the rest of it. The background noise slowly comes back, now that Kai’s no longer talking and only standing there bewildered. “I’m so happy for you.”

It sounds forced and the flicker in Kai’s eyes says that he can tell. Soobin has no prepared excuse. He’s pictured his confession and even Kai’s rejection a million times, but never like this. Never so raw, pure, and innocent. Unprovoked, even.

Kai had looked as if the person he admired had given him the night sky and all the stars that came with it. 

Had he given Soobin the chance, he would’ve done that and so much more. Would’ve gladly traveled from this galaxy to the next, searching for a star that could shine as bright as Kai did.

However, Soobin had lost that chance.

And even if he begs, pleads with all his might, he knows he won’t get another chance. Years of wrapping chains upon chains around the narrow box in which his feelings reside, inferior to his own insecurities and cowardice, Soobin doesn’t  _ deserve _ another chance.

He reaches out blindly for Kai, fits his fingers around the lithe wrist he’s held so many times before, and tugs. “Come on, we’ll be late for class.”

Kai feels stiff, almost too cold to touch, and Soobin knows that he’s hurt him. Kai, who usually bottles up all his worries inside to not be ‘burdensome’; who trusts Soobin enough to be vulnerable around him; who is seeking comfort, help, advice because he’s  _ scared;  _ who Soobin has to brush off carelessly because of his petty jealousy. 

Soobin is not strong enough to face this now. He’s not ready to look into the eyes of the person he loves, knowing that they’re searching for someone else.

They walk in silence.

**X**

Soobin is all shades of ‘fucked’ when he realizes that it will take a lot longer than a good night’s rest to be strong enough to face Kai.

The morning after what he dramatically marks down on his calendar as “the start of a slow, painful death” is unbearable. Kai always meets him by his house’s entrance since the younger is naturally an early riser, but Soobin momentarily forgets that while he’s ironically ‘mourning’ over him. So, when he walks out and is greeted with a blinding smile, Soobin  _ almost _ steps back inside his dorm.

“You’re not happy to see me,” Kai picks up quickly. Soobin pales and frantically raises his hands. “I-It’s not that!” Fuck, he stuttered. That’s a dead giveaway and Kai knows it. The silence that follows probably lasts a total of two seconds, but it feels agonizingly longer than that.

Kai smiles, but Soobin catches the way he tugs on the sleeves of his robes awkwardly. Then, in a meek voice, “Is it about yesterday? Because we can forget that happened.” 

_ Except I can’t, _ Soobin wants to say.  _ It’s all I can think about, damn it. _

“I’ll just,” Kai starts again before Soobin can even begin to find the proper words to say. “—go find Beomgyu hyung.”

And then he’s walking away.

His steps are as light and delicate as ever, but for some reason, they sound a lot heavier to Soobin.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next day, Kai doesn’t show up to walk with him to class. 

Soobin should feel relieved. Putting on a facade is much harder than it seems and he’s not sure how Kai does it so effortlessly when he’s upset.

But he’s not. He’s more than just a little bit disappointed when he’s not knocked off his feet by over-enthusiastic waving and an ethereal smile.

Soobin deserves it though, he knows he does. It’s his fault for not being honest about his feelings—for never having told Kai how he feels—for acting like a baby about the whole ordeal when it’s his fault.

Soobin tries to seem less and less upset each consecutive day Kai doesn’t show up. But it doesn’t work.

He wasn’t expecting it to.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Alright, ‘fess up.” Yeonjun slams his hands down on Soobin’s desk so hard, it jolts Soobin out of his daydreams—which are, with no surprise, about Kai. “What?” He asks, dazed and disoriented.

“Kai was teary-eyed during the Quidditch meeting today.” Yeonjun informs, gaze cold and scrutinizing. “He hasn’t even genuinely frowned once in all the years we’ve known each other.”

“He did once when you hid his plushie,” Soobin pipes up and Yeonjun doesn’t hesitate to reach out and squish his cheeks together so hard it hurts. “That’s not the point, Soobin. He’s upset and it has  _ your _ name written all over it!”

_ “My  _ name? Why me?” Soobin is baffled beyond words, leaning back in his seat now that Yeonjun is getting up close and personal to interrogate him. 

The other students have left the hall by now and Professor Kim looks like he’s seconds away from kicking the duo out. So, Soobin grabs his materials into his large, clammy hands, and bolts out the door with Yeonjun hot at his heels. It ends up turning into a wild goose chase, but with Soobin’s height, losing Yeonjun is only a dream.

“Choi Soobin!” Yeonjun huffs out after he’s finally cornered the flustered Hufflepuff, practically slamming him against the wall. There’s a frown that’s etched onto Yeonjun’s forehead and it’s so intimidating that Soobin forgets how Yeonjun looks without it. “Explain yourself.”

“How do you even know it was my fault?” Soobin’s attempt to beat around the bush is weak. Yeonjun sees right through it. “Other than the fact that you  _ literally _ ran away from the question, you’d usually be the first to know something’s up with Kai.”

Soobin knows staying quiet makes him look guilty, but he doesn’t know what to say and it’s not like Yeonjun’s wrong either. “So,” Yeonjun takes his silence as confirmation. “What did you do?”

“He has a crush,” Soobin spits out quickly. The faster he rips the bandaid, the less it hurts, right?

It still stings an awful lot.

Yeonjun stares at him blankly for one second and then two, before he conjures a grin wide enough to make Soobin question their friendship. What could possibly be humorous about his broken heart?

“Congrats!” They’re clearly not on the same page. Soobin pinches the bridge of his nose and counts down from 5 until Yeonjun’s facial expressions morph into horror. “Oh my god, you motherfucker.”

“Excuse me?” Soobin tries to take a step back, offended, but is met with the cold surface of the walls. Yeonjun still has him trapped. “What was that for?”

“You broke his heart!” Yeonjun finally lets him go, opting to hold his head in his hands and fall onto his knees dramatically. “You broke our Ningning.”

“First of all, that’s  _ my _ nickname for him,” Soobin hisses, feeling no shame even if Kai was on his jolly way to date someone that wasn’t him. “Second of all, what absurd conclusions are you jumping to this time?”

“He confessed to you!” Yeonjun practically shouts and Soobin is so thankful nobody else is currently on the floor but the two of them. He needs to invest in some muggle-made duct tape, since casting jinxes on other students can get you in trouble. “And you, being the dense rock that you are, indirectly rejected him.”

“He didn’t confess to me,” Soobin is quick to correct. He really doesn’t want to think about what happened, but he can’t let misinformation spread and he certainly can’t let Yeonjun get his idiotic hopes up again. “He told me he liked someone else.”

“Someone or someone  _ else, _ Soobin? Those are two totally different things.”

Soobin pauses. He’s not exactly sure. He could’ve sworn it was someone else, but he had tried his best to drown that painful memory out.  _ Think, Soobin, think. _

“See,” Yeonjun scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. “I rest my case.” It’s said matter-of-factly and Soobin doesn’t know where Yeonjun’s confidence is arising from. Even if Kai didn’t specify it being someone else, Soobin was sure that was the case. Normally, when you’re planning to confess to someone, you wouldn’t be so indirect about it. 

Not that him trying to get his feelings across through awkward moments of hand holding and stuttered compliments meant anything.

“He sees me as a friend,” Soobin states and then pauses to take in a thought before continuing. “Maybe even—oh god—maybe even a brother.”

“Because you  _ let  _ him, Binnie! That’s what I’m telling you!” Yeonjun’s hands find his shoulders and then Soobin feels himself getting shook at a record speed. “I love you, but you are horrible at flirting.”

“I am not horrible.” Soobin squeaks. He doesn’t sound very convincing.

“Right,” Yeonjun offers offhandedly and then takes a step back, scanning Soobin’s figure several times and going so far as to make circles around him. Soobin feels oddly exposed.

“Too proper,” Yeonjun’s hand reaches out to whack Soobin on the back, causing the blue-haired boy to hunch over. “Ow! Dude!” Yeonjun ignores him, “That’s better.”

Fingers find their way to Soobin’s tie, loosening it drastically, and then buttons come undone—just the top two. “We’re getting there,” Yeonjun mumbles. Soobin hisses at the cold air when Yeonjun untucks his shirt from his pants; this is definitely not his style.

“Last but not least—”

Before Soobin can even protest, Yeonjun has a hand in his hair, ruffling the soft locks until Soobin can barely see what’s in front of him. He reaches up, carding his fingers through his hair so he can sweep his fringe out of his eyesight and Yeonjun  _ squeals. _ “Yes! Just like that! Messy hair is very, very attractive. Gosh, they grow up so fast.”

“What are you two losers going on about?”

Behind Yeonjun, an amused Taehyun appears. Then, several feet behind him, comes Beomgyu and Kai who are linked arm and arm. It’s time for lunch and judging from the looks on their faces, Soobin speculates they were searching for them. Eating together when they have the chance to has become an unsaid tradition. (Though it was initially just him and Kai and most of the time, that’s still the case.)

“Oh my god.” Beomgyu exaggerates each word, shit-eating grin tugging wide onto his lips when he catches sight of Soobin. Soobin wants to dig a hole and bury himself 20 feet under. He gives Soobin a once over that’s dramatically slow and Soobin half expects Beomgyu to laugh at him and clown him in front of everybody, but he doesn’t. “Looking good, Soob. Like you’re finally a part of the Choi Line.”

It’s a back-handed compliment, but Soobin could care less. He’s more focused on Kai’s reaction and Kai is looking anywhere  _ but _ him, so this is beyond embarrassing.

Yeonjun hears his pleas, somehow, and speaks up. “What about you, Kai? What do you think?” He swings an arm around Soobin’s broad shoulders, forcing the taller boy to hunch over a slight bit. “Lean in, look interested,” Yeonjun hisses into his ear.

Kai startles when he’s put on spot and tugs awkwardly at the collar of his shirt before smiling at Soobin. It seems forced. “It looks different,” Kai offers and then there’s an out-of-place thumbs up. “Nice.”

Soobin feels a bit pathetic for swooning at that and he has to bite his tongue so that he doesn’t coo. Yeonjun pinches Soobin’s shoulder, egging him to say something, so Soobin settles with—

“Not as nice as you.”

A round of ‘oo’s circle in their small group and Soobin tries not to show the murderous intent lurking in the pit of his stomach. Other than him, Kai’s the only one that’s silent. His eyes widen slightly at Soobin’s (horrific) attempt at flirting and then he tears his gaze away. For a second, he looks confused, but Yeonjun clasps Soobin’s back to subtly congratulate him and Soobin decides not to question it.

**X**

Of course it doesn’t stop there.

Soobin thinks if he’s going to lose Kai to someone else, he might as well go down fighting. What’s there to risk?

Other than the years of friendship they’ve built.

“Good morning,” Kai chirps. He joins the group a little late on the weekend they decide to spend at Hogsmeade. He’s got bags under his eyes, which is not a good sign, and Soobin feels his motherly side kick in. Before he can say anything, however, Taehyun does.

“Sleepy today, angel?” Soobin’s eyes shoot to Taehyun who has the audacity to smirk upon receiving the new attention, despite not meeting his gaze. It’s like he can tell exactly what Soobin is thinking.  _ That was my line. _

“I,” Kai starts and then huffs out a breath of air that sounds unnatural and forced. Soobin glances up at him, watchful as Kai tugs at the collar of his turtleneck—that’s becoming a habit—and clumsily takes his seat next to him. He’s flustered. Why is Kai flustered? “A little bit, yes,” Kai answers.

Yeonjun leans over, not looking discreet what-so-ever, and mutters under his breath, “Step it up, man.” Soobin opts for sulking instead and chews on his straw out of frustration.

“Stop that,” Kai scolds gently, plucking the straw out of Soobin’s mouth. “You’re like a teething baby.” Familiarly, Kai’s hand finds Soobin’s stomach and rubs affectionately, as if Soobin were a big body pillow at his disposal. Soobin likes it though. He always has.

It’s been a while since Kai has been this comfortable with him. Kai’s never been one to hold grudges, but Soobin was so sure—for some reason—that he had fucked up everything between them.

“The only baby here is you.” Reaching out, he gently taps Kai on the nose and then moves his hand down, daringly placing it over Kai’s.  _ “My _ baby.”

Kai’s hand comes to a halt over his abdomen, fingers briefly digging into the layers of fabric that cover Soobin, while the latter begins regretting his choice of words. Maybe that was too much. Maybe he crossed a line somewhere.

“Yours,” Kai agrees after some thought and then lands two final pats on Soobin’s stomach before pulling his hand away and shifting his attention towards the menu. “Do you have any recommendations?”

Kai is, of course, unaffected enough to transition smoothly into a new topic. Soobin is a different story. He’s sitting there, pouty lips parted in shock, a loading symbol floating above his head, as he tries to process what just happened. Needless to say, he’s not of much help in picking a dish, so Kai orders whatever is the cheapest.

It ends up being an appetizer. 

Kai, although a young adult, still doesn’t know how to properly read a menu. It might be their fault. ‘Their’ as in Soobin’s, Yeonjun’s, and Beomgyu’s fault; Taehyun’s too, since he’s also done nothing but spoil Kai after meeting him. It’s because Kai is so pure, like a heaven-sent angel, that everyone yearns to coddle him.

Especially Soobin.

“Order something else too,” he urges with a frown, shoving the menu back into Kai’s face after asking the waitress for more time. Beomgyu hums in an agreement before returning to his heated debate with Yeonjun and Taehyun on what muggle fashion was currently the trendiest.

“Don’t wanna.” Kai is stubborn and folds his arms over his chest, shoulders rising like they always do when he tries to seem bigger than he really is. He has broad shoulders, Soobin will give him that, but he’s still shorter than him and looks like he hasn’t aged a day since his freshman year. “Besides, no money.”

“I’ll pay,” Soobin interrupts. He can feel his forehead creasing to form a concerned frown. When Kai still refuses to look, Soobin takes matters into his own hands. 

Literally. 

He takes the menu, sifts through the main dishes, and (since he’s no longer dazed and out of it) picks what he thinks Kai will like the most with confidence. After all, he knows Kai the best.

Kai doesn’t look particularly displeased with Soobin’s guess either; in fact he remains stoic. Soobin can read him well enough to know that he’s thinking, with that blank stare of his that pierces through the older boy; he just doesn’t know what he’s thinking  _ about. _

“You didn’t have to.” Kai says a bit later, when the food arrives and he’s seconds from digging in. He’s staring up at Soobin with those bright eyes of his again—hazel mixed with sprinkles of stardust—and there’s a timid smile drawn on his lips. When filled with gratitude, Kai becomes a lot more compliant, so Soobin sucks in a breath and decides to be daring for once.

Casual, like Taehyun.

Soobin presses his lips onto Kai’s forehead. The exposed gap of Kai’s curled fringe widens temporarily and then falls back into place when Soobin pulls away. Kai isn’t looking up at him anymore, but he doesn’t recoil in horror either, so Soobin takes it as a silent victory.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The group of them explore Hogsmeade for a few hours more, not wanting to go back to Hogwarts just yet.

Beomgyu coaxes Yeonjun into buying a hideous scarf and donning it. “If you love me, you’ll do it,” he says. It’s obvious he thinks it’s as horrific as Yeonjun does, but Beomgyu’s always been a prankster.

Yeonjun tags him back when they hit the next store. Beomgyu, after half of an hour of pep talk from the rest of them, musters up the courage to ask an employee if they have arm warmers that are bigger in size than the one’s on display. He’s extroverted, yes, but asking for things has never been his forté.

Right as the words leave his mouth, Yeonjun pinches Beomgyu’s side and Beomgyu yelps at an embarrassingly high pitch. They almost get kicked out after Beomgyu chases Yeonjun around the store and drops a handful of things in the process.

Thankfully, Taehyun conjures up a pathetic sob story on the spot about how they’re here to buy presents for their Grandma who’s not doing so well.

So, they all end up being associated with one another as cousins. The clerk is rightfully suspicious because in the wizarding world, with herbs and spells at one’s ready disposal, sickness at an old age wasn’t that serious. 

And in the rare chance that it was, it’s very doubtful that a group of grandkids would be at Hogsmeade looking to buy her hand warmers instead of taking care of her.

“Hope your grandma feels better soon,” the cashier says. “Huh?” Yeonjun replied, bewildered. “Thank you!” Taehyun cuts in and drags the eldest away before he can cause anymore damage.

All the meanwhile, Soobin and Kai stand a bit behind the group, lost in their own narrations and snickering. Soobin doesn’t consider himself the funniest person in the world, but he  _ can _ make Kai laugh, and that’s more than enough.

Because when Kai does that thing—that thing where he tosses his head back and covers his mouth shyly to let out his loud, yet endearing and addictive laugh, Soobin finds himself falling all over again.

“Just for the record,” the employee says to the duo as they walk past him, heading for the door to join the others outside. “You guys aren’t really cousins right?”

Soobin and Kai exchange looks. “Yes,” he answers. “No,” Kai says at the same time. Kai’s not a good liar. He’s good at hiding things, sure, but he’s not a good liar because ‘lying is bad’.

Soobin sighs and shakes his head to agree with Kai. “I figured,” the worker says and then points back and forth at the two of them. “You two gave it away. You’re like two peas in a pod and I’ve never seen relatives act like  _ that _ before.” Then, he stalks off to help other customers, leaving Kai and Soobin staring at his silhouette in confusion.

“Weird.” They exchange knowing glances when they say it at the same time and then burst into another fit of giggles. Soobin catches Taehyun’s eye through the glass doors; it’s telling him to hurry up. 

But then Kai presses his forehead onto Soobin’s shoulder comfortably, body shaking from the last few shocks of laughter and Soobin doesn’t want to move. Not yet.

“Hey,” Kai says, picking his head up after a bit. “We’re okay, right?”

Soobin holds his breath. Yes, he wants to say, they are beyond okay—this, what they have now, this is perfect.

Then, the thoughts of letting Kai go into the arms of someone else comes back and Soobin can’t find strength in his voice. Instead, he reaches for Kai’s hand and interlaces their fingers, like they’re used to. Kai still feels colder than usual and Soobin can’t blame it all on the temperature.

“Is that a yes?” Kai asks quietly, as if he doesn’t trust his voice either. Soobin nods once in acknowledgement, gives his hand a squeeze, and smiles.

After a moment, he exhales shakily and says, “Yeah, we’re okay. We’ll always be okay.”

Then, he leads them towards the obnoxious trio making kissy faces at them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A little later, when they’re back at Hogwarts from a day of mischief and joy, Soobin offers to walk Kai back to his dorm. 

It would make more sense for Yeonjun and Kai to head back together, of course, but Yeonjun—being the courteous boyfriend he is—insists escorting Beomgyu back first. He also has an armful of an unconscious Taehyun who fell asleep on the train ride home, so he’ll have to make a pitstop at Ravenclaw’s tower as well.

Also, Soobin is still holding Kai’s hand.

They’ve parted a few times. Kai will sometimes break off to clap when he’s laughing or Soobin will pull away to yank Beomgyu out of a situation that can get him arrested, but they find their way back to one another.

The walk back feels a lot quicker than usual. It’s either because the staircases are oddly in their favor today or because Soobin doesn’t want Kai to leave just yet; time always goes by a lot quicker when you’re having fun.

“Thanks for today,” Kai says when they’re finally at the dungeons. Soobin glances at the stone wall skeptically and then moves them a few feet away. If he recalls correctly, the students in the common area could probably see everything happening directly outside their door. Soobin doesn’t really plan on letting anyone eavesdrop today, if ever.

“Why are you thanking me, silly?” A strand of Kai’s bangs is swept in the direction opposite from the rest. Soobin reaches out to tuck it behind Kai’s hair as he continues speaking. “If anything, I should be thanking  _ you. _ You’re the only reason I didn’t lose my sanity today.”

Kai raises his other hand, hiding his mouth when he begins to giggle, and Soobin automatically dips his hand down to move Kai’s arm. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” Kai questions as Soobin maneuvers his hand so that it’s no longer covering his mouth but now resting atop Soobin’s shoulder.

“Covering your mouth when you laugh.” Soobin rests his own hand atop Kai’s prominent hip bone. Their intertwined hands come up and Kai raises an eyebrow at the way they’re suddenly in ballroom dance formation. “You’re the prettiest when you laugh. I don’t know why you hide it.”

Soobin takes a step forward and Kai almost doesn’t react in time so they do an awkward shift to avoid Soobin stepping on Kai’s foot. 

“And,” Soobin continues before Kai can protest. He takes another step; Kai gets the hang of it. They tap away gently in the hallway. “Your laugh is my favorite sound.” Kai’s eyes shoot up from their feet to Soobin’s eyes. Soobin doesn’t miss the way a light pink blossoms onto Kai’s round cheeks.

“Why are you being so cheesy?” Kai manages to ask, weakly squeezing Soobin’s shoulder. Soobin only grins, twirling them around once when Kai least expects it.

Kai’s hair dances in the breeze that their movements bring and the torches’ light catches on the dip of Kai’s lips, the aforementioned bags underneath his eyes, and even the curves of his lower lash lines. He’s so effortlessly beautiful, he puts the moon to shame.

Soobin finds himself staring a second too long and Kai’s smile begins to fade when he realizes they’re no longer caught up in clumsy dancing. “What?” Kai asks with a nervous chuckle.

Soobin’s fingers tighten around Kai’s hand and hip and he knows what he’s about to do is rash, but he can’t help himself. 

He leans in with the full intention to kiss Kai.

Soobin is truthfully tired of waiting and this might be the last chance he has to kiss Kai, so he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take it.

“I am so sorry!”

Soobin reels away as quickly as Kai does and Kai winces when he hits his head against the wall behind him. Instinctively, Soobin reaches up to make sure the younger boy is alright, but Kai yanks away as if Soobin’s touch is hell burnt.

Soobin and Yeonjun watch as Kai hurriedly whispers Slytherin’s password and slips into the disappearing passage. When Soobin directs his gaze at the older for an explanation, Yeonjun is already grimacing at the scene that has unfolded because of him.

“Turned the corner and did not expect to see you guys like that,” Yeonjun confesses, hands raised in surrender. “If I had known, I would’ve waited, I swear.” Soobin can only groan to relay his frustration. He’s not mad because Yeonjun isn’t really at fault, but  _ honestly. _ Couldn’t have he been just a split second later?

“I can’t believe you got that bold in a day.” Soobin rolls his head to the side curiously and Yeonjun shrugs. “Just yesterday you were all nervous about flirting with him and now you’re seconds away from making out with him.”

Soobin chokes on air at that and Yeonjun pats his back reassuringly, as if this wasn’t his attempt in murder. “In public too. Whew, Bin.”

“We were not going to make out,” Soobin denies, slapping his palm on his forehead once he’s recovered from his wheezing onslaught. “Right.” Yeonjun clearly doesn’t believe him. He swings the long end of his new scarf over his shoulder dramatically and then brushes past Soobin gently. “Well, my pitiful best friend, I’m tired. Catch you tomorrow.”

Then, he pauses right before he disappears into the passageway.

“Or not if you’re planning to pull one of those again.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Soobin thrashes around in bed, kicks those long legs of his until his blanket is on the verge of falling off. He can’t sleep. Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees Kai, curious and almost—dare he say—expectant? Looking up at him with those innocent eyes of his, his lips a taunting cherry; putting every ounce of faith into Soobin even when the older boy had been drawing closer to him with intent.

“Fuck,” he curses, sitting up and digging the heels of his palms against his closed eyelids. At this rate, he’s going to get no hours of sleep and flunk tomorrow's Transfiguration quiz. It’ll spiral. He’ll get expelled, never find a job, fail to pay his rent, and end up homeless and alone. If he’s lucky, he’ll fall in love with another homeless wizard and they’ll share a flattened cardboard box together.

Then again, falling in love with someone that isn’t Kai doesn’t sound possible for Soobin and even if it were, he’s not sure he would want that to happen. Besides, Kai will probably be offered thousands of jobs upon graduating due to his intellect, charm, and athletic ability. Living in cardboard boxes together sounds unlikely.

So, really, Soobin chooses heartbreak himself. Moping over a guy who’s so clearly enamored with another person. Why else would Kai have ran away tonight? That look on his face. Soobin has never seen it before. He can’t pinpoint what it means at all and that disturbs him greatly.

Kai’s eyebrows, which are beautiful for the record, were furrowed together and his lips, which are the perfect tint of ruby, were paling from how hard Kai was biting them. And his eyes. God, Soobin could lose himself in them. Tonight they were home to more than just Soobin and the stars. They held fireworks, dimly lit candles, and most importantly, the timid glimmer of unsaid words.

Soobin grabs his pillow, buries his face in it, and screams. Across the room, Felix shifts in his sleep, clearly disturbed by Soobin’s barely muffled pterodactyl screech.

“Ugh.” With a grunt, Soobin flops back onto his bed and curls up around his pillow. He reduces himself from 186cm to—well, as small as someone whose legs hang off a twin sized bed can. Even at this height, he’d probably tower over Taehyun, but he digresses. Taehyun being tiny was a subject for another time.

“Who is it? Who do you like?” He mumbles to himself, drawing imaginary shapes onto his crumpled sheets with his forefinger. Nothing but the piercing silence answers him and Soobin finds himself heaving another one of his long, defeated sighs. The hazy shadows of the night somehow shift until they form Kai’s unmistakable physique. He misses nights they spent curled underneath the sheets together.

Out of the corner of his eye, Soobin catches Chenle’s owl staring him down, almost as if it’s mocking him. Soobin shuts his eyes in embarrassment and somehow falls asleep shortly after.

It’s peculiar that the remedy to his insomnia is a nosy bird. 

(Though it could also be Kai’s smile that greets him in his dreams.)

**X**

Kai’s ignoring him.

Well, to be fair, Kai’s ignoring everyone. But Soobin is a part of ‘everyone’, therefore, Kai is ignoring Soobin.

It’s been days since he’s last seen Kai. He hasn’t even shown up to class, according to Beomgyu and Taehyun, so there’s definitely something wrong. Soobin doesn’t want to overthink, but he’s beginning to speculate it’s because of his actions.

Kai’s always been the type to coop up his negativity, but Soobin has never seen him hit his breaking point before. He’s had suspicions that Kai keeps these moments to himself, not wanting to worry those around him—not wanting to worry  _ Soobin _ first and foremost—but that just worries Soobin even more.

“He hasn’t come out of the dorm. Seungmin says he’s been imitating a sack of potatoes, which I’m guessing is smartass for ‘he’s laying around doing nothing’,” Yeonjun tells the group when they gather outside of Slytherin’s dungeons.

“Let me talk to him,” Soobin pleads, reaching out to grasp the hem sleeve of Yeonjun’s robe. “Please.”

“Bin, you know I can’t,” Yeonjun sighs, gently removing Soobin’s hand from his garment. “The Slytherins would chew my head off for letting someone else into our common room. You should know that.”

He does. Every house treated their dorms, be it the dungeons, towers, or basement, as something sacred. Something only they could have and nobody else could catch a glimpse of.

“I have to, Yeonjun,” Soobin argues. “I’ll be in and out in a flash, I promise. Nobody’s gonna see.”

Yeonjun, clearly reluctant, rubs the nape of his neck. “It’s too risky,” he states. There’s chatter that echoes from the dungeon and the torches are burning with fiery passion. Soobin’s figure is completely different from Yeonjun’s, not just in height; everybody would be able to tell.

“If we wait five minutes, a bunch of students will clear out the dungeons for classes. It would be safest then,” Taehyun analyzes and then hooks his arm into Beomgyu’s. “We’ve got to go to Potions ourselves, so, we’ll catch you guys after.”

“Good luck,” Beomgyu whispers and the duo walk up the staircase together.

“I’m the only one that can get through to him,” Soobin tries. He’s hellbent on convincing Yeonjun. It’s not just because he’s deprived of the light that he practically feeds on, but also because he’s covered in cold sweat from nauseating fear and worry. “Yeonjun. Trust me, please.”

“Alright,” Yeonjun concedes, hastily pulling Soobin towards the bathroom. Once inside, Yeonjun tears off his robe and tie, tossing it towards Soobin. Soobin’s fingers are trembling, partially from the weather and partially from worry, so Yeonjun helps him undo his tie. His fingers linger a few seconds longer than necessary and Soobin stares at him, confused. “I’m trusting you. Make sure he’s okay,” Yeonjun mumbles, pulling away after helping Soobin shrug off his robe.

“I will,” Soobin promises. He tosses the hood of Yeonjun’s robe over his head. The tie is loose around his neck and his shirt isn’t tucked in, mimicking Yeonjun’s habits. The buttoning is done hastily, and he’s sure that he’s off by one or two, but he can't be bothered to care.

They two of them stand there, staring at one another, examining the in’s-and-out’s of each getup. Yeonjun plucks away at Soobin’s collar, making sure it stands up, and Soobin winces at the uncomfortable feeling of fabric brushing against the underside of his chin, but says nothing of it.

When the bell rings, they wait a minute or two, and then leave the bathroom.

“Pure-blood,” he says at the entrance of the stone wall. Nothing happens. Soobin begins to pale and Yeonjun, who’s standing next to him, covers his mouth. “Pure-blood,” Yeonjun coughs into his hand and this time the entrance begins to form through the stone wall. It’s nerve-wracking because Soobin can’t deal with tight spaces, but if this is the only way into the dungeons, then so be it. He holds his breath, descending down the narrow steps, and makes sure to keep his head down. 

The common room is sparsely occupied when he arrives. Everyone is either rushing out the dungeons or busy doing their own things. When he comes to the doors leading to the dorms, Soobin freezes. He’s not sure which one leads to Kai’s room. This is a problem.

Just as he’s internally panicking, a door creaks open. Seungmin comes face-to-face with him and Soobin turns stone-cold. 

Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck. _

Now he’s done it. Seungmin is the prefect of Slytherin house. Not only is Soobin going to get his ass handed to him right now, but Yeonjun is going to suffer as well. “You’re here for Kai?” Seungmin asks, raising an eyebrow and folding his arms over his chest. He looks unamused and for some reason, despite being over a head shorter than Soobin, he’s very intimidating.

“Yeah,” Soobin manages to croak out weakly. “Look, I’m sorry, but I—Seungmin, I really need to talk to him.”

Seungmin eyes him. Does a once over—or a twice over—and shrugs. “Yeonjun hates putting his hood up, just so you know.” Then he’s walking past Soobin without even a glance back.

Soobin lets out a long sigh of relief and reaches for the doorknob when—he really needs to stop freezing up—worries come crashing in. What is he going to do? What is he going to  _ say? _ What if Kai doesn’t  _ want _ to see him?

“Hyung?” A voice croaks from behind the door. Soobin cracks it open and peeks in to see Kai sitting up in his bed. His hair is sticking out in all directions, his shirt is loose around the collarbones, and a paper towel is dangling off his forehead that gives everything away.

“Kai-yah,” Soobin steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He whispers a quick locking charm once realizing nobody else is in there but them and then slowly approaches the brunette. “What’s going on?”

“I just caught a cold, that’s all,” Kai says, pointing weakly at the thermometer sticking out of a cup placed on his desk. 

Soobin presses one knee down on the mattress and then leans over, eyes narrowed. “Stop lying to me.” His hand comes up, ripping the towel off Kai’s forehead. It’s dry, which is a dead giveaway. 

“Enough of this secretive bullshit, Kai,” Soobin says. It might be a bit too harsh, but he’s fed up. He can’t keep playing this constant hide-and-seek game with Kai. 

Always pretending to look the other way, offering to change the subject, remaining oblivious to things, all for the sake of not pushing his boundaries. Soobin has had enough of everything. He’s going to be assertive, for once, because he’s done sitting in the dark while Kai fights his battles on his own when he doesn’t  _ have _ to.

“Tell me what’s going on.” It comes out strained, like a plea.

Kai’s not sick, but his cheeks are still flushed and his eyelids are swollen; it means he cried. How much? Soobin isn’t sure. But it’s worrying all the same. 

He spreads his arms after resting comfortably on the bed and Kai falls forwards. His head rests in the junction where Soobin’s neck meets his shoulder and his arms wrap tightly around Soobin’s upper torso. 

Kai sniffles once and it’s so quick Soobin thinks he imagined it, but then he feels the younger boy’s body shake. The trembles come in periodic waves, muffled cries mixing in with tired laughter, the kind that leaves you when you’re sick of fighting.

“I’m scared,” Kai whispers. Soobin cascades a hand down his back and like a fallen leaf, Kai quivers underneath his touch. His finger brushes past each notch of Kai’s spine until he flattens his palm on the small of Kai’s back. “What’s wrong?”

Angling his chin at another angle, Soobin is able to catch a glimpse of Kai’s face. His rosy cheek is squished against Soobin’s shoulder, his lips are bruised and parted, his droopy eyes are decorated with wet lashes, and there’s a lost expression sealed on his visage.

“Lea’s not coming home anymore.”

Then Soobin understands.

The first time Kai had found shelter at Soobin’s, he had a busted lip and there were lilac hues blooming on his skin. Lea had dropped him off, along with Kai’s younger sister, desperate eyes telling Soobin everything he needed to know.

Nobody had said a thing that night. Bahi had fallen asleep first, occupying Soobin’s bed, and Kai was given the couch while Soobin built a makeshift bed on his apartment floor. A quick spell would’ve definitely given him the comfortable mattress he needed, but casting spells over the summer was forbidden for minors and he had no room in his shabby apartment anyway.

Well, his  _ sister’s  _ apartment. She didn’t reside there, but she was the one paying the rent until Soobin found a job of his own. His parents’ home had been too suffocating for him. Too many extended family members running about. 

But Soobin didn’t mind letting Kai and Bahi spend the night.

“She took Bahi too. They’re staying in Paris.” Kai’s fingers tighten around Soobin’s—Yeonjun’s—robe.

The sisters were both Beauxbaton students, naturally, and Kai would’ve been admitted into Durmstang had he not been too intimidated by the students there. That’s what Kai had said at least, when Soobin asked.

The three of them had been inseparable, but somewhere along the lines, Kai began showing up to Soobin’s doorstep alone. Soobin didn’t question it. He stayed silent, patching up the new wounds on Kai’s face wordlessly. Prying never seemed right.

Kai later on informed him that Lea had decided to move into an apartment with her classmates. Soobin had felt somewhat relieved, knowing that she was safe. He begged her to stay too that first night, but she had responsibilities as the eldest, he knew.

It only made sense for her to bring Bahi with her. Who would abandon their younger sibling in such a nightmare of a household?

“It hurts more when I’m alone.”

Soobin knows. He knows that Lea doesn’t mean to leave Kai by himself. He knows that Bahi is the youngest and the most vulnerable, so Lea logically fears for her the most. He knows that she’s depending on  _ him _ to take care of Kai.

But Kai hasn’t been letting him because Kai is like that. Overthinking silently, finding ridiculous solutions on his own, never wanting to share his problems from the fear of worrying, irritating, burdening those around him.

“You should’ve told me,” Soobin reprimands gently. “Didn’t wanna worry you,” Kai confesses and Soobin draws back a bit. Kai stumbles, too used to Soobin cradling him, and looks up with a pout. “Hey, I was comfy.”

“Kai,” Soobin cuts him off abruptly. No matter how cute that pout on his lower lip is, Soobin needs to focus on what’s important. “When school is over, I want you to come stay with me.”

The silence is deadly. A flurry of mixed emotions form a mesmerizing kaleidoscope in Kai’s eyes.

“What?” He’s dumbfounded and Soobin bites back a fond smile. “Move in with me.” It sounds like an oddly timed proposal and Soobin grimaces, but pushes through. “You already have a spare key to my apartment.”

“Hyung, I can’t,” Kai reels back in shock, frown set between his brows to display his stubbornness. “First of all, I can’t afford  _ rent. _ Second of all, all my stuff is back at home.”

“You don’t have to pay rent,” Soobin argues, pauses, and then corrects himself. “Well, not until you find a job.” Kai rolls his eyes, clearly amused, but not budging in terms of his decision.

“What could you  _ possibly _ need from home?” Soobin groans, exasperated. “You practically steal all  _ my _ clothes anyway, so I doubt it’s that.”

“I do not!” Kai denies, but his cheeks betray him by flushing an even heavier shade of pink. “My plushies—”

“Look,” Soobin grabs Kai’s dainty hands which are cupped over his lap. “Move in with me first and if you  _ really  _ need to go back and get things, I’ll go with you.”

Kai moves his gaze away from Soobin’s and if it weren’t for the vice-like grip Soobin has on his hands, he would’ve surely pulled those away.

“I’m not letting you go home by yourself.” Soobin leans in, forehead pressing gently onto Kai’s. Kai still refuses to look at him so Soobin takes the opportunity to admire Kai from a new angle. His lashes look so much longer, and his plump lips are so much more taunting. “Please, baby.”

Using a pet-name is foul, Kai always tells him, but if cheating is the only way he can ensure Kai’s safety, then so be it. (Kai’s  _ the _ cheater of all cheaters, anyway.)

“Why are you doing this?” Kai sighs and there’s that unrecognizable tone of his again. The one had used the night he ran away from Soobin.

“That’s because—”  _ I’m in love with you. _

“—we’re friends.” It’s not a lie.

“Right,” Kai replies. Soobin wants to know exactly  _ what _ that tone means, but Kai’s always been good with secrets. He watches Kai move his head so that he can let his forehead knock lightly against Soobin’s shoulder. 

“Friends.”

**X**

“Your bed is a fucking mess,” Yeonjun spits out. They’re hastily exchanging uniforms in the bathroom again. “You’re so lucky everyone in your damn house knows how whipped you are for Kai or we would’ve been in a shitload of trouble.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Soobin hadn’t  _ meant _ to spend the night there. He was going to dash in and out—honest!—but Kai had curled into his side half-asleep and his warmth had been so addictive, Soobin couldn’t fight off his own drowsiness.

“You also scared the shit out Jaemin and Seungmin. The door was locked when they came back and they were  _ fearing _ what was behind it.” Yeonjun shudders. “They told me they waited until they couldn’t wait anymore.”

No wonder Jaemin had been glaring at him all morning when he had gotten out of bed.

“I’d be pretty damn scared too. I wouldn’t wanna risk accidentally walk into two people making out in my room.” Yeonjun’s rant is never-ending. He’s clearly cranky from lack of sleep so Soobin deems it justifiable to tune him out.

Yeonjun diligently keeps yapping away at his ear as they head out to the bathroom and up the flight of stairs to their Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Soobin hears static on his end.

“Good work, captain,” Beomgyu cheers when they finally reach class. “I passed by Taehyun and Kai on my way here. Kai’s looking like himself.”

“I didn’t do much,” Soobin mumbles as they loiter outside the room, waiting for the bell to ring. “Except steal his innocence,” Yeonjun scoffs and Beomgyu gasps, as if  _ he’s _ the one being attacked.

“We did not make out, you weirdo,” Soobin groans and whacks Yeonjun on the back of his head. Beomgyu gives him this look; it’s half amused and half disapproving.

“I just got him to say what was bothering him.” Soobin runs a hand through his hair, memories of last night coming back to him in pieces. “And no, I’m not telling you guys.”

“No fair! We’re worried too.” Beomgyu’s arms wrap around Soobin’s right one and Yeonjun mimics the action on Soobin's left side. Out of context, this would look very odd. As if it’s “bring your pet to work” day and Soobin has two dogs.

“It’s private so ask him yourselves, gremlins,” Soobin hisses and tries to shake them off. It’s to no avail until Professor Jung walks out and gives them a perplexed look.

“I don’t even want to ask. Just get inside.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Soobin is excited to see Kai during lunch break today. It’s a healthy amount of excitement. Sure he’s humming a jingle from some muggle commercial and he’s skipping down the halls and he’s been  _ way _ too friendly to people who don’t deserve it, but that’s not unusual. Is it?

After all, it’s been a while since he’s sat down in the Great Hall with his good ol’ pal Kai.

“You are the gayest man I have ever met.” Taehyun’s announcement does not hinder Soobin’s prancing the slightest.

No, what brings him to a halt is the scene that unfolds when he reaches the dining hall. At first, it’s hard to notice what’s wrong. There’s hundreds of kids littered across the seats and the aisles and piles upon piles of food that obscure lines of vision.

Soobin, however, is a giant beanstalk and is also trained in the art of spotting Kai. He sees the Slytherin in question perched by where they usually sit, but in  _ his _ seat is a dazzling boy with a blue robe. 

Two things.

First, he is literally  _ dazzling _ as in he has sparkles around his face which have got to be a charm of some sort.

Second,  _ what _ is it with Ravenclaws and having it out to steal Kai away from him? Well, on second thought, Kai is everything anyone could ever want or need. Any with eyes and a functioning brain cell could notice that and intelligence  _ is  _ Ravenclaw’s whole jig.

“Don’t do it,” Taehyun says with a pained sigh. Pained because—yep, Soobin is going to do it and probably douse all of them in embarrassment.

He walks over to the chit chatting duo stiffly and then just  _ stands _ there, sticking out like a sore thumb. Kai doesn’t notice him, somehow, which  _ hurts,  _ but the flash of fear in the Ravenclaw’s eyes when he sees him first is worth it.

Kai turns his head to see what his company is looking at and then his lips form a circle in surprise. Surprise! As if this is not Soobin’s seat, for Merlin’s sake.

“Soobin hyung,” Kai greets, but it comes out sounding like a question. “Oh, this is Sunghoon. He’s my partner in charms class.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sunghoon attempts, holding his hand out. Soobin almost doesn’t take it, but collects himself and his pettiness. He maybe squeezes Sunghoon’s hand a little too hard, but that’s totally not on purpose.

“We were looking for you,” Soobin says, completely ignoring Sunghoon. Kai laughs, almost nervously, and Soobin wants to question  _ why _ he’s giggling like that when the boy speaks up on his own. “Actually, Sunghoon and I were gonna eat together today.”

Soobin stares. Stares at Kai like what he said went in one ear and out the other. Then, he turns his head slowly to stare soullessly at Sunghoon.

“You know what, we can just do this some other time,” Sunghoon offers, getting ready to clamber out of his—no—Soobin’s seat. “I’ll catch you around Hyuka.”

_ Hyuka? _

“Oh, uh, bye?” Kai manages to get half a wave in before Sunghoon is scurrying over to join the flock of blue a table or two away. “Hyung, what was that for?” Kai asks and he sounds a bit irritated, which throws Soobin off.

“I just wanted to eat with you,” Soobin answers and Kai gives him a look. There’s underlying disappointment, but mainly forgiveness. 

“I’m sorry,” Soobin says truthfully. He wasn’t expecting this at all, if he’s being honest. Knowing something he considered their  _ thing _ meant nothing to Kai, well, that stung. It stung a lot. “I’ll go. You can call him back if you want.”

“Just sit down, ‘Binnie,” Kai says, patting the seat next to him. He’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Soobin sits down.

This aura is different and Soobin doesn’t like it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next day, Soobin decides not to sit together with Kai. Chances are, him and Sunghoon were meeting today after Soobin had forced them to take a rain check.

It’s a bit humiliating how he’s no longer waltzing down the halls with eagerness and Taehyun interlocks their arms to silently console him. He eats lunch with Taehyun and his friends that day. It’s not the same. Not to say the experience is unpleasant, because it isn’t, but Kai isn’t there.

“Lighten up,” Taehyun mumbles, slipping a slice of pie onto Soobin’s plate. Soobin appreciates the gesture, offers the blonde a half-hearted smile, and convinces himself that it’s not bad to rely on Taehyun once in a while.

Taehyun cares, he shows that through teasing most of the time, but there are moments like this where he will let go of his devilish tendencies and simply fixate on his friends. Soobin admires that. Maybe if he were as attentive, he would know what Kai had wanted without having to get hurt.

“You should’ve asked him first.” Soobin knows Taehyun is right, but hearing the confirmation from Kai’s lips that he was going to be spending time with someone else wasn't something Soobin wanted to go through. 

Soobin’s not possessive. It might seem that way now, but he’s not. Kai’s always been popular, pulling heartstrings left and right, but it hadn’t dawned on him that Kai’s  _ own _ heartstrings could be pulled too. Especially by someone that wasn’t him.

Sunghoon is attractive. Well, a good portion of the student body is, but he’s  _ attractive  _ attractive. He’s the kind of attractive that makes Kai nervous. — Yes, Kai’s shy giggle  _ has _ been playing in his head since yesterday like a broken record.

“No need. He probably doesn’t care,” Soobin grunts and shoves a piece of his food into his mouth. He chews obnoxiously loud to subtly hint to Taehyun that he wants this conversation done and over with. For a split second, it looks like Taehyun understands him because he averts his gaze.

Then, he speaks up again. “Oh, he definitely cares. Just look.”

Soobin snaps around so fast, he hears more than just a few bones crack. With all the movement going on, it’s hard to pinpoint Kai at first, but then he catches a glimpse of him in the crowd.

He’s alone. Why is he alone?

“Excuse me,” Soobin mumbles abruptly, cutting off the girl trying to chat him up. He slips off the bench and gets on his feet, navigating his way through the blurry faces until he can reach Kai. The bell rings just a second before he gets there.

Kai stands up, ready to leave the Hall, and nearly falls backwards upon seeing Soobin looming over him. Soobin’s arm hooks around Kai’s waist as a safety precaution.

“Merlin,” Kai says, hand on his chest and eyes closed. “You scared me.”

“Sorry.” Soobin helps Kai steady himself, but his arm lingers. Students brush past them in a rush and Soobin seizes the opportunity to draw Kai in closer. Kai’s hands reach up and land on Soobin’s chest, as if keeping them at a reasonable distance. Soobin chooses to ignore that for now.

“Where’s Sunghoon?” Soobin asks quietly, glancing around to see if he can spot the boy in the swarm that’s pouring out the dining area. It’s hard to tell.

Kai answers his question with one of his own. “Why would Sunghoon be here?” Soobin blinks.

“Well, I thought you would want to eat with him today since I interrupted yesterday,” Soobin replies, a bit perplexed. Kai raises an eyebrow and Soobin tries not to stare too much at it. He can’t help it. Kai’s eyebrows are really pretty. He’s not sure how many times he’s thought that already, but it’s the truth. “We met at the library after classes yesterday. It was for our project.”

“Oh.” Soobin doesn’t know what else to say. Kai does. “Besides, I wouldn’t want you to throw a tantrum again.”

Soobin frowns as Kai laughs. “I did not throw a tantrum yesterday.” Did he? He can’t really remember.

“I’m just teasing. I know grabbing lunch together is special to you,” Kai clarifies, grin stretched out on his face and all. “You’re so cute, hyung. Finding something like that so important.”

“I don’t.” Soobin says defensively, not appreciating the jokes. Yes, he  _ does _ find these things special, but if they’re not special to Kai then maybe he’s just being a hopeless sap. 

The jabs Kai are making at him aren’t necessarily helping him feel better either. “I didn’t want you to be alone, that’s all. You can eat with whoever you want, I don’t care. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

Kai’s smile drops completely. Soobin only finds it appropriate for him to let go of the younger boy who now stares at him dumbfounded. “It really means nothing to you?”

Soobin swallows, refusing to meet Kai’s eyes, and instead plays with the compartment in his robe where his wand resides.

“Because it meant something to me,” Kai finishes. Soobin looks up with regret and guilt, but it’s too late. Kai is scoffing in disbelief and walking past him, each step loud and agonizing in Soobin’s ears.

**X**

Sunghoon, Sunghoon,  _ Sunghoon. _

All Soobin sees around Kai is Sunghoon, 24/7. Taehyun tells him that his rage is blinding him. Beomgyu calls him paranoid, nothing more, nothing less. Yeonjun tries to smack some sense into him. Nothing works.

It’s not until the last day of the week, right before the weekend, when Soobin snaps.

There’s a flight of stairs at the corner of the west wing. Soobin’s been taking that this entire week to avoid accidentally running into Kai and his new ‘gum’ Sunghoon.

So, pray tell him  _ why _ today, when he’s trying to go back to his lovely dorm so that he can roll around in his bed with despair, Sunghoon and Kai are huddled together at the bottom of the flight of stairs.

He’s about to head back and go all the way around  _ just _ to avoid them when—

When Sunghoon leans in, eyes fluttered shut and lips parted, with an incriminating hand perched on Kai’s hip.

Soobin sees red.

“Soobin, stop!” The next thing he makes out is Kai pushing him away and off of Sunghoon, who has his eyes squeezed shut as if he’s anticipating some sort of impact. That’s when Soobin takes not of the deadly grip he has on Sunghoon’s shirt and how his other arm is raised, hand balled into a fist so tight his veins pop.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Kai spits out venomously at him and then turns to face Sunghoon who assures him that he’s alright. From the looks of it, Kai was able to stop Soobin before anything bad had really happened.

Sunghoon politely excuses himself, not willing to stay long enough to hear the apology Soobin has quickly formed.

“What was that about? Seriously.” Kai tilts his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose. His soft chestnut locks sway as a light draft breezes by. Soobin has an urge to comb his fingers through them.

“I don’t know, sorry,” Soobin confesses. He really isn’t sure what got the best of him just then.

“No, see, you can’t keep doing that,” Kai states, folding his arms over his chest. “You can’t keep doing one thing and then backtracking and doing the completely other thing.”

“Kai—”

“No! Just listen!” Kai shouts. “First I tell you about my crush and you go and act  _ repulsed, _ only to start  _ flirting _ with me. Then, you try to  _ kiss me _ for crying out loud! But suddenly we’re just friends? And now—” 

Kai laughs in disbelief, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“Now, after I have  _ finally _ accepted that you will  _ never _ be open to whatever it is we have—now, when I’m  _ finally _ allowing myself to see other people, you get all jealous! You have  _ no right _ to be possessive over me. I’m  _ not yours, _ Soobin!”

A long silence dawns on them and Kai’s chest heaves from the frustrated ranting. “What do you want from me, hyung? You can’t keep doing all of this and saying you don’t know.”

Kai covers his face with his hands, but Soobin’s eyes are quick to catch the small tremors of his shoulders. He can discern that Kai is crying. Because of him.

“It—it  _ hurts, _ Soobin.” Kai sounds hesitant and Soobin knows it’s because Kai doesn’t want to seem weak. He doesn’t want Soobin to hear him break down; he doesn’t want to put that weight on Soobin’s shoulders even when Soobin is the one at fault.

Soobin takes a step forward and Kai flinches backwards. He waits a second before taking another. The second time, Kai remains still, which is all the confirmation Soobin needs to make sure Kai is okay with what he’s planning to do next.

When he’s finally an arm’s length away from Kai, he reaches out, gently tipping Kai’s chin up. Kai is hesitant to drop his hands. Behind them rest red eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and eyelashes that are clumped oddly from moisture.

“I’m going to kiss you,” Soobin announces, hoping for Kai’s consent.

“Then what are you waiting for, idiot,” Kai responds between hiccups.

When their lips meet, Soobin feels things he’s never felt before. This was by no means his first kiss, but in many ways, it felt that way. There’s a wave of emotions that overcome him. Relief, joy, desire. All because it’s him; it’s Kai.

They pull away shortly after and it takes everything in Soobin not to chase Kai’s rosy lips that are now glistening and all the more inviting. “That.. that was my first,” Kai admits, fingers inching up to curl around Soobin’s collar and tie. “Saving it for you was a good idea.”

And  _ God _ is Soobin so gone for him.

Soobin’s hands find home on Kai’s hips, carefully guiding the Slytherin backwards until his back gently hits the closest wall. His eyes drink in everything, as if he’ll never be able to see this again—but he’s sure he will. Now that he has Kai, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be letting go.

The way Kai shyly tiptoes is telling and Soobin chuckles softly before molding their lips together again. This time, the kiss is a lot firmer. They’re both more sure of themselves. All their feelings go into the needy movement of their lips and their confessions become clear as day with the way they’re holding onto each other so desperately.

Kai whines, breaths hot and lips puckered insistently when Soobin breaks away for air again. “Patience,” Soobin scolds gently, leaving a doting kiss on the tip of Kai’s nose.

His mouth trails from there to the start of Kai’s jawline, littering a series of daring pecks down the sharp edge. One of Kai’s hands ends up in Soobin’s hair and the other roams his back, trying to dig his nails into something—anything.

“I love you,” Soobin says, kissing down the column of Kai’s neck sloppily. Kai makes a weak noise of acknowledgement in return and Soobin drowns his laughter into the warm skin that holds budding hues of red and purple.

“I love you,” he repeats, dragging his body closer to Kai’s so that the Slytherin doesn’t end up slipping down the wall when his knees start to give in.

“I really, really love you, Kai,” Soobin whispers after he presses their foreheads together. The statement is final and now he waits, heart pounding, for Kai’s response.

“I’ll do you one better,” Kai mumbles, snagging a kiss off of Soobin’s swollen lips like he can’t get enough. His next sentence comes out a murmur bracketed by gentle kisses, since both of them refuse to pull away.

“I’m really, really in love with you, Soobin.”

**Author's Note:**

> holy cheese balls this took so long for no reason but the fact that i was SWAMPED with uni work
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys like it!! sorry i have not been writing as much sookai as before.. i have been delving into a LOT of ships and dynamics because well.. txt gay! jHFJSDF
> 
> as always, i would love to hear your thoughts if you have time! >3<
> 
> [ twitter!](https://twitter.com/kaifiIes)


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